Sometimes I wonder if its really alright to invest so much feelings toward other people. You see, they have a tendecy to either leave you, hurt you, use you or make you feel like crap. You invest so much feelings but in the end, all is vain. Or it is possible that im just too trusting, always looking at the good in every person that sometimes people take advantage of me. I know that they cant take advantage of me if I dont allow it but... yeah.. okay.. its my fault.. its just that if I trust you, and you have proven to be trushworthy, I will be our friend to the end of time. I have a few people who knows the real me and i love these people dearly.
I have this dangerous combination: I easily fall in love and if I do, I fall really really hard. I guess that is also a problem.. i let emotions take control of me sometimes. Rational thinking be damned! Its not like I dont know what is right from wrong, its just that sometimes I compromise. Wait, let me change that, I compromise.. a lot.. I really need to change that attitude of mine. It makes things complicated.
I admire strong women who are comfortable on their own. They dont need the male species to be happy. Recently, I've been enjoying being single, just taking care of myself. Thinking about no one for a change,.. but there are times that I miss having someone to take care of.. having someone to take care of me.. to be his princess,, i miss having someone tell me that everyhing is alright.. of having the feeling that no matter what happens, there is that one person who will understand me,. who will be with me through whatever.. who will never leave my side.. who will hold my hand and hug me.. someone who will make me feel secure.. and these are those times...
in the end, i think that we should give our trust fully to others. If they broke your trust, hen its their problem. at least you cant blame yourself. You gave your best to keep your friendship.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
0 YUE
ball of fire, present every night
come fill me up with your wondrous light
take me to a place for you and me
excite in me feelings just for you only
you amaze me with your subtlety
I am enthralled by you only
such power and might you possess
yet humble and simple still, you are
slowly, surely, slowly as i watch
your amorous ascent towards the sky
why you captivate me is still a mystery
but thats the truth, no use denying it
you control the tides of my emotions
high tide, low tide, high tide, low tide
such extremes, still, im captivated
im caught, like a moth to the fire
why so elusive? im caught but im not sure
will it be just like the last, or will this last?
just like the different phases you have
is this just a phase? just something that will pass
as I gaze upon you, ive seen different sides
Sides I didnt know you possess inside
so near yet so far, i can hardly reach through you
is it fate that I can just watch you from afar?
The poem was you
watashi no yue desu
come fill me up with your wondrous light
take me to a place for you and me
excite in me feelings just for you only
you amaze me with your subtlety
I am enthralled by you only
such power and might you possess
yet humble and simple still, you are
slowly, surely, slowly as i watch
your amorous ascent towards the sky
why you captivate me is still a mystery
but thats the truth, no use denying it
you control the tides of my emotions
high tide, low tide, high tide, low tide
such extremes, still, im captivated
im caught, like a moth to the fire
why so elusive? im caught but im not sure
will it be just like the last, or will this last?
just like the different phases you have
is this just a phase? just something that will pass
as I gaze upon you, ive seen different sides
Sides I didnt know you possess inside
so near yet so far, i can hardly reach through you
is it fate that I can just watch you from afar?
The poem was you
watashi no yue desu
Sunday, April 7, 2013
0 Hearts and Flowers
Its this time of the year again. Well, I actually don't see the point of Valentines. Maybe its just a marketing strategy cooked up by some company before to sell flowers, chocolates, balloons, or whatever token people usually give to their crush, loved one or special someone. You can give flowers to your loved one anytime of the year if you really appreciate her. (I think him in this context is not correct. Its usually the guys giving to the girls. lols. but whatever floats your boat. Its up to you.) Why February 14th? It just ruins the sense of everything. Guys are pressured to give something to their girlfriends because they know that the other half is expecting. It's becoming more of a pissing contest. (For the girls also, mind you.) Pabonggahan ng natanggap na regalo. Wouldn't it be better if you received something on a day that no one receives something? Mas agaw eksena yun. You would feel more special. Just my thoughts though.
Also, whats with the flowers?? I appreciate flowers on a pot. alive. Cut flowers only last a couple of days. If the love of your partner is like the gift he will give you, doesn't that mean that his love will fade instantly? If I would receive something, I want to receive something tangible. Cards and letters are the best. Something that the guy actually worked hard for, gave a lot of effort and is romantic. Not just something bought in a shop. Expensive gifts don't amuse me. I don't care if its just some cheap pad paper, bond paper etc. as long as put effort in that gift, I would treasure it. As the saying goes, its the thought that counts. Plus, I'm not that comfortable carrying flowers around. (Yes I'm still straight!) I don't want attention. Though, there are times that I want to feel special too but please, not on Valentines.
One thing I admire about my parents is that in every occasion, valentines, wedding anniversary, or birthday, they always give each other cards. Usually the one bought at bookstores but they always make sure that the message in the card is what they really want to say to the other and that they always put a dedication on the blank side, usually some sweet nothings. You see, my father is not the type of person who shows emotion much (*ehem* may pinagmanahan) but during those times, he never fails to make my mother feel special. I only saw him give my mother flowers once. Not the extravagant flower arrangement type, but just a simple single-stem red rose. He had it delivered to our home. Maybe he also don't want to be seen holding flowers? haha. I guess I got that from him too.
So yeah, that sums up my thoughts about valentines. EFFORT goes a long way. So does cute panda stuffies, panda trinkets, etc. :)
Update: this was meant to be a valentines post. I just forgot to publish. This was a realization I had during the 'love' month. This is not be being bitter, its just me being myself. Then again, why am I explaining myself? This is my blog and I can post whatever I want. bwahaha *evil laugh*
Also, whats with the flowers?? I appreciate flowers on a pot. alive. Cut flowers only last a couple of days. If the love of your partner is like the gift he will give you, doesn't that mean that his love will fade instantly? If I would receive something, I want to receive something tangible. Cards and letters are the best. Something that the guy actually worked hard for, gave a lot of effort and is romantic. Not just something bought in a shop. Expensive gifts don't amuse me. I don't care if its just some cheap pad paper, bond paper etc. as long as put effort in that gift, I would treasure it. As the saying goes, its the thought that counts. Plus, I'm not that comfortable carrying flowers around. (Yes I'm still straight!) I don't want attention. Though, there are times that I want to feel special too but please, not on Valentines.
One thing I admire about my parents is that in every occasion, valentines, wedding anniversary, or birthday, they always give each other cards. Usually the one bought at bookstores but they always make sure that the message in the card is what they really want to say to the other and that they always put a dedication on the blank side, usually some sweet nothings. You see, my father is not the type of person who shows emotion much (*ehem* may pinagmanahan) but during those times, he never fails to make my mother feel special. I only saw him give my mother flowers once. Not the extravagant flower arrangement type, but just a simple single-stem red rose. He had it delivered to our home. Maybe he also don't want to be seen holding flowers? haha. I guess I got that from him too.
So yeah, that sums up my thoughts about valentines. EFFORT goes a long way. So does cute panda stuffies, panda trinkets, etc. :)
Update: this was meant to be a valentines post. I just forgot to publish. This was a realization I had during the 'love' month. This is not be being bitter, its just me being myself. Then again, why am I explaining myself? This is my blog and I can post whatever I want. bwahaha *evil laugh*
0 GWIYOMI KIYOMI!
I joined the bandwagon! lols. Intense heat + boredom = super geek mode. This song has been terrorizing my facebook timeline for quite some time now. If you cant beat them, join them, right? :) Video has been made for entertainment purposes only.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
0 Why
why do i even try?
i know what the outcome will be
the all too familiar feeling
void of any emotion
nothing but numbness
well, after all the pain gripping your heart will the numbness come..
sometimes I wonder why I put myself in situations like this..
or maybe this is just destiny playing with me?
It's this cycle again..
please get out of my mind,.
the moment i wake up,
thoughts of you keep flooding me
as the day progresses, your face will suddenly jump out of nowhere..
there are times when your face brought a smile to my face
and there are times that it delivered gloom..
hopelessness,..
i know this is not good..
but what can i possibly do?
that you will be interested in me
is like winning the lottery
a one-in-a-million chance
thats what it will be
why did that ever happened?
it just left me more confused..
in the end I have no choice left..
but to sit back and just wait
i know what the outcome will be
the all too familiar feeling
void of any emotion
nothing but numbness
well, after all the pain gripping your heart will the numbness come..
sometimes I wonder why I put myself in situations like this..
or maybe this is just destiny playing with me?
It's this cycle again..
please get out of my mind,.
the moment i wake up,
thoughts of you keep flooding me
as the day progresses, your face will suddenly jump out of nowhere..
there are times when your face brought a smile to my face
and there are times that it delivered gloom..
hopelessness,..
i know this is not good..
but what can i possibly do?
that you will be interested in me
is like winning the lottery
a one-in-a-million chance
thats what it will be
why did that ever happened?
it just left me more confused..
in the end I have no choice left..
but to sit back and just wait
Monday, April 1, 2013
0 MRT - Best Place to Be
Everyday commuting to reach the office, I ride the dreaded MRT. Metro Rail Transit line 3. The congested coaches, the faulty airconditioning and most of all, the people you see everyday. A menagerie of rare social animals. The types of people you see here are somewhat the reflection of what types of people living in the metro are.
I usually ride from Boni station and then alight at Magallanes station. 5 stations all in all including Boni and Magallanes. In between those 5 stations, you might get a birds eyeview of what filipinos are. This post might be biased though as I always ride with the ladies, handicaps, pregnant women and senior citizens when I am alone - and that is usually the case every morining.
I dont usually listen to music when riding the MRT one reason is because this has become a modus for pickpockets in the MRT and the other is when I listen to music, I am transported to a world purely on my own. I dont wanna miss the oportunity to observe the happenings in the MRT for my own world. There is a different time for that. lol. :)
Some examples of the people you meet in the MRT are:
1. The selfish type usually also the walang-pakialam-sa-dilaw-na-arrow-na-nakadrawing-sa-floor type
These are usually the first ones you will see upon reaching the platform of the train station. They will block the door of the train once it reaches a full stop oblivious to the markings in the floor indicating that you need to first let the passengers alight the train before boarding. This is simple logic. why cant some people get this? block the door and the people alighting the train cant go out. If they cant go out, there will be no space for new passengers, if there is no space, they simply cannot go in the damn train. Wouldnt be life more easier if they just let passengers get down first before riding? Sometimes I just want to get the attention of these people and indicate the markings on the floor. Maybe they just cant see the sign. Worst case, maybe they just dont care.
2. The walang-pakialam-sa-pila-siksik-lang-ng-siksik type
These types are also usually the ones who just got in the platform, see a line infront of the door but still try to squeeze themselves in wherever nook they found just to ride the MRT. Maybe they are running a bit late? but what about the other passengers who got there before them? dont they have any shame left in their system?
3. The I-dont-know-if-blind-or-nagbubulag-bulagan-or-insensitive type
As I said, I usually ride the first coach of the train for seniors, women, preggys and handicaps. Sometimes you will see these healthy, young and able bodied females sit in the seats in the train while all the while there is a senior citizen at their side who is having a difficulty standing up when the train is at full stop let alone when the train started to move. insensitive much? Pregnant women and handicaps (especially the lame) are not spared from the wrath of these types.
4. The telebabad-kung-telebabad-wapakels-sa-makarinig type
The type of people that are most likely subscribed to unlicall. They will make phonecalls while inside the train and talk with voices louder than what is deemed to be normal speaking voice. They will laugh, shout or do whatever reaction they make due to statements made from the other end of the line. People will sometimes stare at these types but they are oblivious to this fact as they are more concerned at the conversation between them and the person on the other end. I cant help but overhear some conversations between these people and most of the topic are about showbiz, the life story of their sisters' neighbors' husbands' brother or whoever relative, friend, or neighbor's life they deem to be interesting. In short, garbage information.
5. The grabe-makadikit-old-man type
My encounter with this type is one that I will not forget easily. The worst case I experienced (more likely watch because it didnt happen to me) with this type is between this girl (maybe in her teenage years) and an elderly old man maybe around 60-70. The girl alight in the train first. probably went in at the same station that I came from. She stayed near the door with her back on the door in the driver's pod. I stayed near the middle as the train wasnt that packed. I think its a weekend. Not sure. Then upon reaching the next station, an old man went in and went infront of the girl, facing her, both his arms raised a little above her head. (The horror. @.@ I cant imagine what I would do if that was me. ) As I said, the train wasnt packed. There are still some seats available so it was kinda weird why he positioned himself like that. As I was observing them, the girl was somewhat sending this mutinous, deathly glare in the direction of the old man but I dont think the old man care. I personally think he was enjoying himself. WHY?!?! I got down the station first so I didnt know what else happened but if that was me, I wouldve moved to another place. That position is soooo uncomfortable.
6. The kala-mo-ang-tagal-hindi-nagkita-kung-magkwentuhan type
Imagine the telebabad-kung-telebabad-wapakels-sa-makarinig times two. Double jeopardy. In this case, you hear both sides, not just one.
7. The colehiyala-grabe-magchikahan type
The rare type of kala-mo-ang-tagal-hindi-nagkita-kung-magkwentuhan. Their conversation has taglish version.
These are some of the people you will most likely encounter in riding in the first coach of the MRT. I dont know about the rest of the coaches. I heard they have it worse there.
Sadly, my current project will move to a different location. The new location does not require me to ride the MRT. Riding the MRT will surely be missed. The people, experience, headaches and all. Parting with you is such sweet sorrow. I look forward to the day that I will be ridding you again - or NOT!
 |
| MRT stored value card |
I usually ride from Boni station and then alight at Magallanes station. 5 stations all in all including Boni and Magallanes. In between those 5 stations, you might get a birds eyeview of what filipinos are. This post might be biased though as I always ride with the ladies, handicaps, pregnant women and senior citizens when I am alone - and that is usually the case every morining.
I dont usually listen to music when riding the MRT one reason is because this has become a modus for pickpockets in the MRT and the other is when I listen to music, I am transported to a world purely on my own. I dont wanna miss the oportunity to observe the happenings in the MRT for my own world. There is a different time for that. lol. :)
Some examples of the people you meet in the MRT are:
1. The selfish type usually also the walang-pakialam-sa-dilaw-na-arrow-na-nakadrawing-sa-floor type
These are usually the first ones you will see upon reaching the platform of the train station. They will block the door of the train once it reaches a full stop oblivious to the markings in the floor indicating that you need to first let the passengers alight the train before boarding. This is simple logic. why cant some people get this? block the door and the people alighting the train cant go out. If they cant go out, there will be no space for new passengers, if there is no space, they simply cannot go in the damn train. Wouldnt be life more easier if they just let passengers get down first before riding? Sometimes I just want to get the attention of these people and indicate the markings on the floor. Maybe they just cant see the sign. Worst case, maybe they just dont care.
2. The walang-pakialam-sa-pila-siksik-lang-ng-siksik type
These types are also usually the ones who just got in the platform, see a line infront of the door but still try to squeeze themselves in wherever nook they found just to ride the MRT. Maybe they are running a bit late? but what about the other passengers who got there before them? dont they have any shame left in their system?
3. The I-dont-know-if-blind-or-nagbubulag-bulagan-or-insensitive type
As I said, I usually ride the first coach of the train for seniors, women, preggys and handicaps. Sometimes you will see these healthy, young and able bodied females sit in the seats in the train while all the while there is a senior citizen at their side who is having a difficulty standing up when the train is at full stop let alone when the train started to move. insensitive much? Pregnant women and handicaps (especially the lame) are not spared from the wrath of these types.
4. The telebabad-kung-telebabad-wapakels-sa-makarinig type
The type of people that are most likely subscribed to unlicall. They will make phonecalls while inside the train and talk with voices louder than what is deemed to be normal speaking voice. They will laugh, shout or do whatever reaction they make due to statements made from the other end of the line. People will sometimes stare at these types but they are oblivious to this fact as they are more concerned at the conversation between them and the person on the other end. I cant help but overhear some conversations between these people and most of the topic are about showbiz, the life story of their sisters' neighbors' husbands' brother or whoever relative, friend, or neighbor's life they deem to be interesting. In short, garbage information.
5. The grabe-makadikit-old-man type
My encounter with this type is one that I will not forget easily. The worst case I experienced (more likely watch because it didnt happen to me) with this type is between this girl (maybe in her teenage years) and an elderly old man maybe around 60-70. The girl alight in the train first. probably went in at the same station that I came from. She stayed near the door with her back on the door in the driver's pod. I stayed near the middle as the train wasnt that packed. I think its a weekend. Not sure. Then upon reaching the next station, an old man went in and went infront of the girl, facing her, both his arms raised a little above her head. (The horror. @.@ I cant imagine what I would do if that was me. ) As I said, the train wasnt packed. There are still some seats available so it was kinda weird why he positioned himself like that. As I was observing them, the girl was somewhat sending this mutinous, deathly glare in the direction of the old man but I dont think the old man care. I personally think he was enjoying himself. WHY?!?! I got down the station first so I didnt know what else happened but if that was me, I wouldve moved to another place. That position is soooo uncomfortable.
6. The kala-mo-ang-tagal-hindi-nagkita-kung-magkwentuhan type
Imagine the telebabad-kung-telebabad-wapakels-sa-makarinig times two. Double jeopardy. In this case, you hear both sides, not just one.
7. The colehiyala-grabe-magchikahan type
The rare type of kala-mo-ang-tagal-hindi-nagkita-kung-magkwentuhan. Their conversation has taglish version.
These are some of the people you will most likely encounter in riding in the first coach of the MRT. I dont know about the rest of the coaches. I heard they have it worse there.
Sadly, my current project will move to a different location. The new location does not require me to ride the MRT. Riding the MRT will surely be missed. The people, experience, headaches and all. Parting with you is such sweet sorrow. I look forward to the day that I will be ridding you again - or NOT!
0 Easter
Its Easter again. More than the bunnies, the eggs and the hunt, what does Easter really mean?
According to my research, Easter was originally a pagan celebration of renewal and rebirth, honoring the pagan Saxon goddess Eastre. Since it fell around the same time as Christ's resurection, they merged the idea when they converted the Saxons.
Well, for christians, Easter symbolizes Jesus' triumph over death and the fulfillment of His promise to us. His resurrection symbolizes the eternal life that is granted to all who believe in Him. What does this mean to us? How does this affect us? How can we live a new life in Jesus?
According to Colossians 3:1-10,
For us to be able to live a new life, We should set our HEARTS and our MINDS on things above.
1. Put to death the sinful life
2. Rid yourself
3. Put off the old you and put on the new you
It is also stated in Romans 12:1-2 That we should not comform to the world but be vigilant enough not to be deceived by evil. In our environment today, we are desensitised by what the media gives us. Sexuality is depicted in movies, tv, print and all other forms. What we see before as immoral have become normal to us. Even kids nowadays know more about sex than people in their 20s or even 30s 10 years before. The media tells us now that one-night stands, casual sex and other kinds of sex without the confines of marriage is enjoyable and is normal. Everyone is doing it, so why wouldnt you?
But here is a question I'll throw at you: after all that you did, after all that has happened, is it all worth it?
Contrary to what most people believe, God is not against sex. In fact, God is the author of the union between man and woman (Gen 2:24) but God wants people to enjoy sex under the confines of marriage, with ONE partner. God gave definite guidelines about sex in the bible but that is a broader topic and I will not tackle that in this blogpost.
Jesus died for us on the cross. He was the sacrificial lamb, pure and without sin, so that we, people full of sin, may be able to enter the kingdom of God. In old testament people who sinned should offer to God a sacrifice in the altar for the attonement of their sins, usually a lamb. The sacrifice animal should have no blemish or abnormality.
Because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, we bacame part of the kingdom of God. Imagine if Jesus gave up halfway through His suffering? He can do that you see. What if he thought that everything He did would be all in vain and that the very reason He is suffering for does not acknowledge Him?
So how will we be able to get back with God? Start by having your personal relationship with Him. Read His word. Confess all your sins and accept that you are nothing without Him. That no matter how successful, how powerful and how rich you are, without God, you are nothing. You are just a speck of dirt on the face of the planet. Admit that there is a longing deep inside you and that longing is a longing for a deeper relationship with God. Surround yourself with people who have the same longing that you have. Be in good company.
According to my research, Easter was originally a pagan celebration of renewal and rebirth, honoring the pagan Saxon goddess Eastre. Since it fell around the same time as Christ's resurection, they merged the idea when they converted the Saxons.
Well, for christians, Easter symbolizes Jesus' triumph over death and the fulfillment of His promise to us. His resurrection symbolizes the eternal life that is granted to all who believe in Him. What does this mean to us? How does this affect us? How can we live a new life in Jesus?
According to Colossians 3:1-10,
 |
| Colossians 3:1-10 |
For us to be able to live a new life, We should set our HEARTS and our MINDS on things above.
1. Put to death the sinful life
2. Rid yourself
3. Put off the old you and put on the new you
 |
| Romans 12:1-2 |
It is also stated in Romans 12:1-2 That we should not comform to the world but be vigilant enough not to be deceived by evil. In our environment today, we are desensitised by what the media gives us. Sexuality is depicted in movies, tv, print and all other forms. What we see before as immoral have become normal to us. Even kids nowadays know more about sex than people in their 20s or even 30s 10 years before. The media tells us now that one-night stands, casual sex and other kinds of sex without the confines of marriage is enjoyable and is normal. Everyone is doing it, so why wouldnt you?
But here is a question I'll throw at you: after all that you did, after all that has happened, is it all worth it?
 |
| 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 |
 |
| 1 Peter 2:24 |
Jesus died for us on the cross. He was the sacrificial lamb, pure and without sin, so that we, people full of sin, may be able to enter the kingdom of God. In old testament people who sinned should offer to God a sacrifice in the altar for the attonement of their sins, usually a lamb. The sacrifice animal should have no blemish or abnormality.
 |
| Romans 4:25 |
 |
| 1 Peter 2:9-10 |
Because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, we bacame part of the kingdom of God. Imagine if Jesus gave up halfway through His suffering? He can do that you see. What if he thought that everything He did would be all in vain and that the very reason He is suffering for does not acknowledge Him?
 |
| 1 John 1:9 |
So how will we be able to get back with God? Start by having your personal relationship with Him. Read His word. Confess all your sins and accept that you are nothing without Him. That no matter how successful, how powerful and how rich you are, without God, you are nothing. You are just a speck of dirt on the face of the planet. Admit that there is a longing deep inside you and that longing is a longing for a deeper relationship with God. Surround yourself with people who have the same longing that you have. Be in good company.
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