2 IRONY

I was alone
you came along

I was unsure of you
You were persistent

I was miserable
you were happy

I was cautious
You were carefree

I opened up
We became close

I cried
You were there

I was pouring my heart out
You seem distant

I have questions
You never answered

I held on to illusions
of vague familiarity

I missed you
You never seem to care

I was unsure
Yet you were confident

I was attached
You grew distant

I fell
you moved on

0 Waiting For You

I will wait for you.. and i will wait patiently..

I know you are just around the corner. Maybe we have already met, maybe not.

In God's perfect time, I know we will eventually be together.

He is currently writing my love story, the most perfect love story for you and me.

I know when we get together, everything will fall in to place.

No complications and issues whatsoever.

may our love story be like ruth and boaz, jacob and rachel, 

so sweet and true till the end of time.

You will be that someone who brings me closer to Him.

Jesus will be the center of our relationship.

I am trying to remain pure and holy only for you

 and I know everything is all going to be worth it.

Cause when the time comes that you will bring me to the altar, 

you will face it with your head held high.

though there are times when things get compromised, but with God's grace, 

I was able to make it by somehow.

To you who is the one for me, if you seek Him, and found Him, He will definitely give you the keys to my heart.

So for now, may my love not awaken until it so desires, until you and i are ready,

ill be here waiting for you patiently..

0 Child's Play: valentines 2013

Valentines 2013 is the first valentines after 6 years that I get to spend as single. I've been with relationship after relationship that I got used to having a special someone around for valentines. This year is different: I have no one to spend it with. But you see, God has this special sense of humor. God made me realize that love has many other forms. that it is not only for your special someone, better half, boyfriend or whatever you want to call them. Love is a general feeling, emotion or affection you share with other people: even strangers.

February 14, 2013. Me and my office mates decided to go to UP fair. The line-up that day was sooo gooood! up dharma down, urbandub, kamikazee, itchyworms, giniling festival, moonstar 88, sandwich, franco and ang bandang shirley, they had me at Up dharma down. :) Feb 14 is a working day so unfortunately, due to unforseen circumstances, we left the office late, around 9pm. + travel time and all, we arrived there at around 11PM. Long story short, when we arrived, the tickets are already sold out. :( We tried looking for scalpers at the front gate but sadly, none could be found.

Crestfallen, we decided to just stay for a while and think of what to do next. That was the time I spotted this little girl playing in the field. See picture below. haha :)

Kimberly
 Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

I saw her playing with her toy and had this urge to get to know her. I went up to her and asked for her basic information. Her name, where she lived, and why is she there. (It was12MN and she is outside. alone.) after all the introductions done, we just played with each other. we played with her toy, (second picture from here. dunno what its called. :) ) we played tag, and laughed to our hearts content. As I was playing with her 2 other kids came to us - one was her brother.

Children playing
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Playing with these kids made me miss being a child again. Just enjoying what life has to offer, not caring about anything else. As we grow older, we think of many other things that we think are essential in our everyday lives but upon closer introspection, those essential things are just trivial matters.

Raphael
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Eventhough we were not able to go in the fair and watch the bands play, I still had a lot of fun. I might say that Valentines 2013 is the best valentines I had so far. :) God really moves in mysterious ways.

Raphael again
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Kim and Raph
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Me with Kim
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

The overpriced heart shaped balloon. lol. But its worth it. made a kid smile. that is priceless.
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Kim and her toy
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

Raph
Photo Credits: Daryl Lapuz

0 there's just something about you

There's just something about you
that draws me in
I can't quite placate
what that something is though

your quiet nature
the way you view things
such mystery you hold
it draws me in

you're quite secretive
penny for your thoughts?
i want to know you more
you draw me in

first time I saw you
I find you kinda interesting
I was shy back then
but you draw me in

now were on speaking terms
i fear you'll find out
but I'm a good actress
you simply draw me in

this is not a poem
it has no rhyme
just a play of words
to express feelings I have inside

I know you and me will never be
who am I kidding, not you maybe
but this I hope and hope I must
let me be a friend whom you can trust

in the end im not quite sure if this really is a poem
or just some random babble, i can't decide though
just like my feelings towards you
there's just something about you

0 Of Mixed Emotions and Such

Awesome Buddy,

I'm not quite sure how to start this. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Just to let this out maybe. I'm in no position to be like this, I know, because we are not a "WE" but you cant deny the fact that there is (or was? I don't really know) something, right?

You are a good conversationalist. We can go for hours and hours about any topic under the sun. Knowing you made me feel that I am a beautiful person inside and out. That I can do anything that I set my mind to. You made me face reality with a solid resolution. You helped me move on.

From the start, I know I cant fall for you even though you are easy to fall with. You know your way to a woman's heart. You know what you are doing. You are a perfect gentleman if you want to be one. I kept my emotions under control whenever I am with you. There are far too many complications to mention. I know its dangerous to be with you but still you draw me in like a moth to the fire. I know I'll get burned if I move closer but your light and your warmth began its hypnotic rhythm. I was entranced. I couldn't get out. Especially when you said to me that you liked me. To hell with every last restraint. I went in for a dive. Even though I know that I am not ready. Even though I know that I will only get hurt. Even though warning signs are flashing everywhere. I pretended I didn't see it coming. I turned the other way...

And then it did happen. One minute, we were texting like lovey doovey couples then another minute you are not texting anymore. What gives? is this just one of your games wherein if you made the girl fall for you you move on to your next target?  I believe our friendship is more than that but that was what you made me feel. It hurts.

I know I have to set my foot forward to prevent any more damage. To guard my heart from being broken again. You are still my awesome buddy, that will not change. a word of advice though, don't cross the line if you are not ready.

0 Love is in the Air

It's february again, the so called "love month". Here and there, you can see restaurants, shops, sweetshops and other specialty stores offering valentines promos. If you have a special someone, surely you will be exited now, thinking where you and your sweerheart are going to spend valentines day ( especially if you are a girl ) More pressure to the guys :P lol But for those of us that are currently single, times like these can bring on a lot of pressure: pressure to find someone to date, pressure to let out feelings be known to our crushes, pressure to find someone to be with so that we wont be alone and not be the laughing stock of our friends.

inverted heart, fireworks, moa

In the pursuit of wanting someone, sometimes we look for someone to love just for the sake of having someone around. We sometimes fail to see the whole point of being in a relationship. We look for completeness in other people and if you feel that they cant complete you, you break up with that person and look again for someone to complete you. The cycle goes on and on.

You might ask what is wrong in this equation? that this trial and error thing is what is normally done these days, right? Wrong. You see, you cant find completeness in another person. Only out heavenly father can complete us.

as by pastor Dennis' blog, and i quote: www.actlikeaman.org

Dont enter a relationship wanting and broken. Enter a relationship as a person who is complete - a person who has a lot to give because he is full of God's love and asurance.

During this season, let us evaluate ourselves: our goals, intentions and values, if what we are doing is in sync with what God wants us to do.

Remember this though:

men: pursue your women! treat her like the princess that she is.

Women: you are made to be pursued. Not the other way around. God designed us this way. 

2 My Zahir

I've just realized recently, I still have feelings for the jerk who left me.. Its been more than a year but I just cant seem to move on. Or more like I didnt give myself enough time to move on. I busied myself with other things. denied the fact that I still cared for him. I buried it deep inside my heart making myself believe that i'm okay.. that i will be okay.. but i guess things just doesnt roll that way. I need to confront my feelings so that I can finally live in peace without his shadow hanging over my heart. I need to sort things out with myself. Before it destroys my current relationship. don't get me wrong. I love the guy. Its just that i cant help myself thinking about the stupid ex and I don't like it. I think its unfair for my current bf. I want to give him my whole heart but the shadow is still there. I dont know how actually i'll do it, but i need to do it. I dont have any communication with the ex now so i think it will be the best for us. I need to let go of my feelings for him. i don't want to be a slave of my past anymore. life is short to be unhappy. :) betrayal and sufferings may come your way but dont let it get to you much. yes you can cry, God knows how good it makes you feel, then lick your wounds and move on. Thats life. accept it. you have no choice. Time doesn't stop when you decide to stop living. You will just be left behind. These are the lessons that I learned the hard way and I don't want to go back there anymore. I want to be free.

 I'm not the type of person who shows emotions much. I grew up that way. I don't want to cry cause I believe that it will make me look weak. I have always shown a hard facade, always concealing my emotions. But in the end, all that i needed was just a good cry and i'm done. Oh and writing helps too. I just recently discovered. Its therapeutic. I read in the book, The Zahir by Paolo Coelho that when you share your story to other people, it becomes your past. (I recommend the book it. its a nice read.) I think that is what i lack. I always keep emotions bottled up inside of me that there's no way out but to burst.

"Suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself - free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on." - The Zahir, Paulo Coelho


“I love you” doesn't really mean that I want you to be mine again. In fact, it’s another way of saying, “I’m happy to see you happy even if its with someone new. Thank you for leaving my life” Yeah, so I guess I love you.

Goodbye to you my past. This time, I MEAN IT. :)